Bereavement and Father’s Day.

Father’s Day

I didn’t celebrate Father’s day yesterday.  Last weekend was quite hard for me, as this was the first Father’s day that I didn’t have a father.   He died from Cancer 8 months ago, and he fought the affliction bravely for three years.  My fiancée will tell you that I pretty much spent the weekend grumpy and angry.  (I am so sorry my love I wasn’t very good company)

I find it hard to write about him, as the times I have done in the past I have ended up a big maudlin heap of tears.   Normally pieces that I have typed about him have consigned to the rubbish bin.  I haven’t found the words to capture how I feel.

I know is that I miss him, and that life is so totally unfair.  It’s hard not to get angry about it, that there are so many people in the world alive still, and this wonderful man who I was so lucky to have as a father is dead.   I still don’t understand how that works.  If you know let me know please?

It is hard as people around me say that I was lucky to have him as a Father, and that I should just remember the good times.   But when you have someone as important as your right hand, upon the loss of it someone doesn’t say to you

“Ah well you should be thankful you had a right hand in the first place, and remember the good times you had with your right hand”

Sorry that sounds really dodgey, Google is going to tell me off again.    But I hope you get the analogy saying that kind of thing to someone going through bereavement is ill advised.   I know a lot of people don’t have the parents they rightfully deserve, and I know there are a lot of fathers out there who aren’t worthy of having children, I know that  I am lucky.   However knowing all of that doesn’t make the sadness go away, I am still sad.

All I can say is if you have a Dad in your life right now who is wonderful, call him, spend time with him, tell him how much you love him, tell him how wonderful he is.   Simply because you never know when your last moment with will be.  We take for granted how much time we really have and the reality is that we don’t have much at all.

Thanks for reading

Carrie x

PS: I would insert a pic of my Dad and I, but seeing as my Dad thought that facebook was evil and that the wifi fries your brain I have posted without